Finding Rest in the Rat Race

• Over the past two and a half years since becoming a mom, I have often felt like I am running a race. I run and run but don’t really know where I’m going. Sometimes it seems like I am running in circles...or like I’m slogging through mud or tripping over rocks. Yes, there have been times where the road evens out for a little, but then I hit another roadblock. It can be exhausting, this race. I have felt weary, discouraged and alone. I have questioned God, wondering why He would choose such a difficult road for me. I worry a lot and often find myself trying to fix things in my own strength. I want to be in control of my life and my future.

  So REST? It is hard for me.

  But slowly, in this journey that is motherhood, I am learning the beauty of His grace. I am finding joy—true joy—that comes only from Him. I am full of gratitude for my daughters, both so wonderfully made. I am learning that love requires sacrifice, and this sacrifice brings fullness. I am starting to see that maybe one reason He allows us (or our children) to suffer is so that He can draw us closer to Him. He gently reminds us that this world is not our home. And the walls that were once built up around my heart are slowly crumbling, leaving me softened and more receptive to His voice.

  God is everywhere, I just need to stop running long enough to look for Him. He’s right in the middle of it all...He knows about the hurt from the past, the worry about the future, and the chaos that is so often the present. He cares about all of it. When we let Him invade all the spaces of our lives and our hearts, He does things we never would have dreamed possible. He makes beautiful things out of the dust, tapestries out of our stretched-thin threads. He weaves them all together. And He is GOOD.

  So in that knowledge, I will keep running this race with eyes focused on Jesus, regardless of whether it’s uphill or downhill, straight or winding, flat or full of potholes. I want to run it with acceptance that this is the path He has me on and that it perfect for me, even if it’s not what I envisioned my life looking like. We only get one life and I want to be used up when I cross the finish line.

  I am learning that it is okay to be running without really knowing where we are going, because God shows us the way. He doesn’t light up the whole path, but He always provides enough light so that we can see the next step. He doesn’t promise us an easy life. But in Him, we can find rest. His spirit is alive—working deeply and gently within us, helping us learn the unforced rhythms of Grace.

  John 14:27 Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.

  Philippians 4:6-7 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

  written by: Christina Felten